Today I looked over some of the blogs that I have written over the past few months. While doing so I was reminded that although in the past couple of weeks my diligence has waned - my longest lasting New Year's Resolution to date - is still in action. Through eighty seven entries I have examined people, places, and ideas that are near and dear to me. In many of these blogs I have mentioned people's names and I hope I have done so with respect and grace. I've told stories.
Since I was a little boy I have absorbed, observed, and related to stories. Many people in my family have contributed to this love by sharing with me the stories of their lives. For example: what it was like when they were growing up, stories about vacations, jobs, business ventures, love, and life. Memories become stories that we retell to keep things alive and among us. All my life I have enjoyed time with others and relating through stories, metaphors, and experience. Like many things that I have done in my life I waited a while before I started this blog. I was reluctant to put down for the world, or just a few in the world to see, the words that are in my mind…my stories. I'm not sure why, because if you sat down with me for any period of time I would begin to tell one or two - I can't help it! But even still there was a bit of reluctance.
Today, as I was looked back at these words and phrases, I notice the names of people that I loved for so many reasons. People that have helped me out along the way because they wanted to , not necessarily because they had to. I noticed people's names mentioned that have been gone for so many years, so many that I didn't even have the opportunity to meet them - I only knew them through stories. This weekend someone told me in casual conversation that "my life was an open book," and although I like the sound of that, it is not completely true. Although the pages may turnm, few really get the chance to read the fine print. My stories are yet to be told, and maybe that is fitting since it would be more appropriate for someone else to tell them.
In September around the time of my birthday I will have lived in Austin for two years, a time that has flown by. I started the blog "If you could read my mind" Daily Thoughts and Stories; in January. Each week I have done my best to tickle the keys and record what I was thinking that day. Many times there were some extremely heartfelt entries, some were aimed at being informative, others were just stories of good times and humorous experiences. Regardless of any of that, this blog illustrates the memories and the people that bring me strength even though they are not so near to me right now. Two years ago I moved about nine hundred miles away from my family, a family that is close and strong. I have noticed while reading over my blogs that it in many ways reveals a little bit of me, or at least some of the things that I think are important.
Today I have so much going on in my head that I feel that same reluctance - only this time the force is not so strong. By writing this blog I have pushed myself to disregard my thoughts of what people might think and just write. Fortunately, I am not finished because there are so many other things that I would like to cover, so many people that I would like to write about - and all entries come with their fair share of reluctance. Do I say this? Should I say that about him or her? I wonder how this will be read? What a tangled web I weave. The importance to this web weaving is that somewhere in the last few years I have gained the courage to do something of which I have always wanted to do. Somewhere in this stretch of time life has happened to me, just as some of the people in these blogs told me it would. This blog has reminded me to remember, and be proud to do so. To project and illustrate what is going on in my head. Perhaps this is a small accomplishment for some, but for me it has been quite substantial.
No comments:
Post a Comment