Monday, April 5, 2010

All That We Let In

Who are we without the people we love?

A holiday weekend filled with friends wasn't enough for me. I topped it off with long conversations with my Mom and Dad as well as my Aunt Judy. Easter Sunday has been more eventful for me in the past. Yesterday was a quiet and relaxing day that ended with love from home, and that seemed to be eventful enough.

All those memories that I drudge up in this blog and all the thoughts that I am usually afraid to speak aloud - they all surface on holidays. Sundays conversations with family reminded me that I am not the only one. My parents and my aunt mentioned loved ones on this holiday. They all laughed and spoke of fond memories. We all relished in the simplicity of our happy lives.

So let's go back...

Today I write, tomorrow I'll read and all that I read and write will be that of blessings. The extra things that have been given to me throughout a life; a life still beginning. I opened three envelopes on Easter-one from Mom and Dad, one from my Aunt Judy and the other an invitation to my good friend Lisa's wedding. What a blessing it was to read the names and words on these pieces of paper. What's more, is that included in Judy's card was a photo of Granny and Dad at a family dinner at Granny and Papaw's house – both of them smiling. I thought about that day because I remembered it. Next, I opened the card from Mom and Dad and I found more pictures. Great minds do think alike. These pictures were of another family outing, an Easter outing in fact. My favorite was of me and my big sister Shannon is matching sailor suits with my Nannie. We were at the state park outside of my hometown, and Nannie was smiling from ear to ear as well. So on this Easter not only was I greeted by a Lisa, Mom and Dad, and Judy but both my Grandmothers. As if to smile upon me from afar and say although we are far apart, we're here.

Thank you.
I had a Nannie and a Granny, I had and Auntie and Joe, Papaw and Buddy, Decola as a silent partner, an Ami and Gar, a Shannon, a Judy, a Trisha and Bill, a Mike and Toni, I had all this and still have most. You might ask what didn't I have? But today I wouldn't trade the moment I had with two dear people, two smiles that brought mine out.

If I could say anything to Nannie I would tell her how I've missed her, I would tell her what has happened in my life over the last thirteen years and that I loved her. I would be remiss if I didn't let her know that I've thought of her everyday of my life.

To Granny I would say all that I didn't, all the things I thought I had time to but remained silent. I would let her know how much I learned from her and how much I loved her. I'd say a lot.

Regardless of what I would say, today I didn't have to say anything because they did. Their smiling faces wished me a Happy Easter. With tears in my eyes, I was thankful for those women in my life.

I think I might have gotten it wrong a few times to remove the living accomplishments from peoples legacy's. To omit the beautiful personalities that were helped to bud because of these mother's and grandmother's. The folks that signed these cards and sent these pictures, knowing how touched I would be. The folks that reared my Mother and Father to be good enough to withstand all that the world would give. The people that would change my life by living theirs.
There is a song written by the Indigo Girls, you may have never heard it. It is titled "All That We Let In," the tune speaks truth that is poetry. "We're better off for all that we let in," isn't that right?

I didn't have a big Sunday dinner with my family but I had them with me anyway. I had them in picture, in word and in voice. Calling on me to say: we're here. A simple message to let me know that I was thought of . A call to bring value to my life. I love that - and the two ladies in those pictures would have too. Is it possible that they could have been sitting together to day in a Heaven that we dream of discussing our good fortune? Is it available to them to love us from there? To think of that brings me joy and regardless, is it okay to think like that?

Two strong ladies, different in form and thought, with one thing in common...children. Children that they gave birth to and loved, children that they worried over and cared for...mother's-smiling, loving, caring, gone. But not today, not on any holiday, and as my cousin Elizabeth stated about her Mother Jane Harrington, not on any milestone small or large, not gone at all. Just like the eggs in the spring grass waiting to be brought out into the light and talked about and spoke of. To have a name is given, but to make a name is a difficult process. A recipe of love, loyalty and endurance and to live beyond that is legend.

Where am I today? Or should I ask: where would I be?

Me and my sister in sailor suits, the same sister I am destined to walk this life with. To share the same memories, the same family, the same dear ties to people that loved and love us. How did I get so lucky, to have come to know all the people in these pictures, to know so well the little girl that I was dressed to match? Why was I put in the place that I was? Well, I guess since there is no answer to that I will just have to go with the words of the Indigo Girls: "We're Better Off For All That We Let In. "

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